I had a conversation with a fellow blogger.I told him I am in despair. He said I must go outside and meet others who have heavier loads. I smirked and squinted.
He is like my mother! Just today I received a comment from Jei.That drove me to take a peek at her posts which are just a click away.
He is like my mother! Just today I received a comment from Jei.That drove me to take a peek at her posts which are just a click away.
Read Jeph's Battle posted on Jayvee Online
Truly it is heart-pinching situation. I cried. Yes, I cried. I did. My emotions were crashing my chest. Mine is almost similar to it. Hers on that particular side is a few pounds heavier. I am so hard on myself.. and barbarous to anyone. I squabble over a petty conversation. I am mean-spirited everyday. I am rebelling.I beat myself! A physical torture is quite an escape from the leeches feeding on me.These are angst, fear, melancholia and frustration.There is something I cannot mention here,because I myself is in denial of it. How many years do I have to count on my fingers? Do not tell me to accept it.I just cannot! A road with a plus-plus complications caught me in its bait.I got a NIGHTMARE chasing me around.-The absence of my family is another thing.I got my face down
on the ground. I am bleeding inside..close to death ..all alone! by my own!!
on the ground. I am bleeding inside..close to death ..all alone! by my own!!
-Another thing is I still cannot go to work.I have a nine-month-old baby. Who is going to take care of her? My relatives are with my parents in an outside country.My hubby is working too. And no way, I am not going to get my baby a nanny. I have difficulty in trusting people. I graduated in college ..it is so disappointing to stay at home doing the laundry and household chores.My self-esteem is on its way down. -One more is my Monster-in-Law whom I super dooper hate. Slaying her with my bare hands over again will never be satisfying! ( God forgive me ) A single sign of her disrupts my day!I do not know how long would this take. All along I have been crawling. The hopes I hold are one by one slipping away.Until I somewhat reached the edge. I have nowhere else to go.There is no turning back.
I cannot even think of a happy thought.Hatred fills me up. O v e r l o a d i n g !
I do not want to hear nice things.Keep your mouth away from my ear. Who says I am going to listen, huh? SHUT THE F%&# UP! I had my mind closed. I do not understand! I even refused praying. WHHHHYY?!! It is all I need. But God has His way. My daughter she needs me..that echoes incessantly. Do not attempt slashing your wrist Lae, your daughter needs you and you have to be there with Dann.
I do not want to hear nice things.Keep your mouth away from my ear. Who says I am going to listen, huh? SHUT THE F%&# UP! I had my mind closed. I do not understand! I even refused praying. WHHHHYY?!! It is all I need. But God has His way. My daughter she needs me..that echoes incessantly. Do not attempt slashing your wrist Lae, your daughter needs you and you have to be there with Dann.
I am thankful to Jei for sharing a part of her life. I saw a spark of inspiration in it and an urge to rise up. I guess I need to loosen up a bit ..take an air to breathe. HUHHHHM Anyway the moon appears at daytime sometimes. So, let me step out of the darkness. I know, there is a lot I am going to see.
Hello Brightness!
Hello Brightness!
bari.psycho Said,
hi..i think your blog is nice,,:)
life is beautiful,,
oops, wanna visit my others blog? here www.gusblake.com
Posted on April 3, 2008 7:32 AM
aries_arevalo_ax Said,
Hello, moonLae...
ganun din ako dti, mxadong depressive. pro sbi ng therapist ko, "pg nmatay ka, tatanungin ka ni Lord, 'anong ginawa mo sa buhay na binigay ko sau?' tpos ssgot ka, ngwala ako..." and come to think of it, wasting yourself won't help.
You just have to feel someone who still loves you and need you... Your blessed husband and your child need you. To hell with them who are badtrip to you. You live your own life.
tpos cno cla n kntrolin ang buhay mu?? o d b? hahaha!!! let them sizzle in their own oil! :) Smile naman... I appreciate your being a blogging friend to me. thank u!! God bless u... >-^-^-<
Posted on April 3, 2008 6:41 PM
jei Said,
Lae, langga! Ano ba? Pinapa-iyak mo naman ako. Okay lang yan Lae, believe me, I know how you feel. Been there na. Nababagot ka lang sa buhay mo ngayon because you can’t work and it seems there’s no one there to talk to lalo na pagnade-depress ka. Add the fact about your mother in love, hehehehe. We no nothing about the future Lae, I’m sure you will find contentment on your life someday lalo na pag medyo malaki na ang anak mo. Atsaka pwede ba? Maganda ka no! Kita ko sa Parisukat. Mukha ka ngang model eh? Hang in there! Alam ko medyo malayo tayo from each other pero ‘dito lang ako. You can talk to me or to Witchyboop or to Lex kahit alam kong medyo busy yun. You know what I find amazing? Yung long distance friends ko pa yung medyo totoo na kaibigan ko (you know what I mean). I’ll never stop visiting you Lae, promise. Smile na jan, bruha ka!
Posted on April 3, 2008 6:50 PM
Comicology Said,
Nice blog you got here.
Anyway, I used to go through a similar state of mind. Actually, if I really take a step back and look at it, I haven't really gotten out of it. Mine's caused by a number of different things, like I'm sure yours is.
Don't worry, it'll get better. How? Hell, if I knew that, I probably wouldn't spend as much time in front of a PC as I do now.
Posted on April 4, 2008 10:36 AM
Raft3R Said,
thanks 4 the visit
you're linked
please drop me a note once you link me, too
thanks again!
Posted on April 5, 2008 5:31 AM
CM Said,
Whenever I feel down, I think about how strong I will be when I get through it. And that it's important to feel pain while it lasts. It's a healthy dose of wallowing in heartache. I do however keep a keen sense of time, and know that sometime soon I should push myself back up and work and try to taste a slice of life again.
Good luck on your phases of dealing with pain. You'll get through it. =)
Posted on April 5, 2008 11:07 PM
Anonymous Said,
no matter what happen, as long as my husband and my children loves me, nobody can take HAPPINESS away from me & as long as we're happy and complete,no way to be affected of all ugly, beastly and bottom out issues and peeps.
Posted on April 6, 2008 6:33 AM
pretty sistah Said,
we all have trials.. they're part of our lives..they bring out the true person in us.. they make us realize how lucky we are to have the people around us.. our family.. friends.. for those who are married.. our better half.. and most important of all.. trials bring us closer to God.. no matter what your religion is.. for as long as we have faith..to believe that nothing in this life is perfect but it doesn't mean that won't have the happiness that we deserve.. it's only a matter of being content and realizing that we have now is all we need to be really happy and nothing more..
Posted on April 6, 2008 7:26 AM
Nyte Said,
hey moon its like i always tell everyone i know just be yourself dont let others sway you one way or another and we all have our nightmares belive me i do but what gets me thru is my wife and the kids i used to end up in the mental hospital twice a year sometimes more from sucacide attempts i didnt want to live with what i had inside me but on the other hand i didnt really want to die i just wanted to escape my own mind i learned to put those things in the back of my mind and try not to think so much about them after awhile my thoughts begin to change i focused on other things like how i could maybe save others from what i had gone thru i also begin to see i wasnt as alone as i had once thought that some had gone thru worse than i had and i found comfort in these people they had come to a point in their lives that they could liv with the demons that had tormented them by not giving them the enegry they had once givin then take your enegry away from the demons and put it twords helping others overcome theirs and i can almost bet your life will change focus on the good in your life im also having to take my own advice belive me its not an easy task god bless you moon and ill keep you in my prayers
Posted on April 6, 2008 10:24 AM